Ironic: Order 66 Survivors Outnumber Fatalities As New Study Claims 11,000 Jedi Escaped Death And Will Find New Lives In Books, Cartoons, And TV Shows
Poor Darth Vader—A new study reveals Order 66 was actually a colossal failure, adding insult to injury for Palpatine and his second-in-command.
According to Nerd Studies major Ben ‘Obi-Wang Kenobi’ Wang, the survivors of Order 66 now number 11,078 when you factor in the new characters Disney has introduced in recent years. Wang’s thesis goes to great lengths to explain how so many Jedi managed to survive Vader and the army of clones hunting them.
“Nearly a third of the survivors were Padawans, and if you read my paper, I explain how the Order 66 directive failed to account for lower midichlorian levels. I also believe that at some point, the special chip within clones was reprogrammed by a rogue merchant intent on selling more goods featuring Force sensitives. This villain would have a clear interest in saving as many Jedi potentials as possible,” said Wang.
The 32-year-old grad student claims Yoda, Obi-Wan, Ahsoka Tano, Caleb Dune/Kanan Jarrus, Luminara Unduli, Cere Junda, Cal Kestis, Jocasta Nu, Oppo Rancisis, Coleman Kcaj, Ka-Moon Kholi, And Selrahc Elous, Naq Med, Ferren Barr, Eeth Koth, and Zubain Ankonori will soon be joined by legions of Padawans who also managed to escape Order 66.
Wang says many of these new survivors will be featured in “Pogs, Web Toons, and Zines,” while others will star in “Sticker Books, Audio Novellas, and Mobile Games for the Chinese Market.”
“These characters are going to be used to bridge the Star Wars prequels to the original trilogy and add more excitement to the era. Disney really doesn’t want to touch the sequel era for at least 10 years…and by then we’ll be at 20,000 survivors of Order 66. Which is going to make Vader an even more tragic figure,” added Wang.
As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the finest Star Wars comedy, parody, and satire in the galaxy. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and subscribe to our Newsletter and Podcasts for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away. Also, consider supporting us on Patreon… for as little as a buck a month, you can help us fake harder, better, faster, stronger.
