Kevin Feige’s Star Wars Features A Love Triangle Between Lando, Lobot, And Loki?!
Pansexuals, rejoice! We’ve caught wind of the major plot points in Kevin Feige’s upcoming Star Wars story and if it pans out (see what we did there), it’s going to break new ground for the franchise.
Dubbed a “sexy gay space opera buddy crime caper” by Feige, the story is said to revolve around Loki tricking the Time Variance Authority into letting him visit a galaxy far, far away in order to restore balance to the Force. In reality, Loki simply wants to cause mayhem on Bespin to gain the attention of a certain scoundrel he’s been crushing on.
One problem: Lando Calrissian is already spoken for by a man of few words, Lobot himself. The pair have been exclusive since Bespin’s Baron Administrator ended things amicably with a retired Storm IV Twin-Pod cloud car. Lo even wears a promise ring gifted to him by Lando to symbolize their union.
Needless to say, the God of Mischief does not view the brain-enhanced, computer liaison officer as a threat. Loki is convinced Lando will find him irresistible, especially in his President Loki form, which is going to come in handy as he’s arrived on an election year for Bespin.
After much campaigning mischief, Loki becomes the only true challenger to Lando’s position. Their debates are three hour flirting sessions as they match wits and trade barbs.
Just when you think it’s becoming an episode of Veep in space, screenwriter Michael Waldron introduces an ingenious inciting incident: on election night, a group of gangsters sent by Kanjiklub make off with every ballot box on the planet, leaving no clear winner of the election.
Who better to retrieve the ballots than the candidates themselves?! So Lando and Loki, chaperoned by Lo, hatch a plan to sneak into Kanjiklub headquarters. The trio become fast friends and eventually much more, sharing the first-ever triple kiss between two pansexuals and a cyborg enhanced human in a Star Wars film.
We won’t spoil the ending for you, but let’s just say it involves the TVA, Han Solo, handcuffs, Thor, a gimp mask, and a musical number you’ll have to see to believe. China is going to absolutely love this one!
The as-yet-untitled film is set to begin filming in early 2022.
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