Harrison Ford: “Kathleen Kennedy is Trying to Kill Me”
LONDON, UNITED KINGDOM, EARTH—News broke earlier last week that Harrison Ford suffered a shoulder injury while rehearsing a fight scene for the upcoming sequel Indiana Jones and the Dumbest Thing Since the Fridge Got Nuked. It seems Mr. Ford hasn’t had the best luck of late and he believes someone is trying to kill him.
Several years ago, Ford was seriously injured on the set of The Force Awakens in what has been called a “freak accident” when a malfunctioning door closed on his leg, breaking it. Ford, an avid pilot, has also been involved in at least one plane crash and a number of close calls related to his private aviation in recent years.
But are these really accidents?
Many fans today are too young to remember the 1981 thriller Looker, but in that film, a plastic surgeon learns that several of his patients, all beautiful models who asked for minor appearance tweaks to make them “perfect,” have been murdered. The two things these victims had in common was that their deaths occurred following their surgeries and, after recovery, undergoing a full-body computer scan for digital reproduction in film and commercials. While that technology was just a fantasy at the time, today it is well within the capabilities of modern CGI. In the movie, the murders are discovered to be the work of a bad guy who owns the company that scanned the models; his plan being to use the digital representations of these perfect performers in perpetuity without having to continue paying to use their likenesses.
But what does this have to do with apparent klutz Harrison Ford?
BEYOND HERE, BE SPOILERS
Word on the street is that the plot of Indy 5 involves time travel and 60s-era old Indy fighting along side WWII-era young Indy, digitally recreated for the film via deepfake technology. And similar tech has already been used to recreate such important Star Wars characters as Grand Moff Tarkin and Princess/General Leia in Rogue One and The Ruse of Soywoker, er, The Rise of Skywalker.
So they have the technology.
Is it really just a coincidence that the leading man keeps having “accidents” on sets under Kathy Kennedy’s purview? Or could she be orchestrating them, hoping to send Ford shuffling off this mortal coil and freeing her, Lucasfilm, and even Disney to freely use the digital likeness of one of the biggest box-office draws in perpetuity? We know Ford wants to kill all his on screen characters but a death wish for himself? Seems unlikely.
Honestly, I don’t know if someone is trying to murder him. But if I were Mark Hamill, I’d be watching this very closely and hiring lots of well vetted security.
As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the finest Star Wars comedy, parody, and satire in the galaxy. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and subscribe to our Newsletter and Podcasts for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away. Also, consider supporting us on Patreon… for as little as a buck a month, you can help us fake harder, better, faster, stronger.
