New Republic On High Alert For Bezos And Branson Spaceships
HANNA CITY, CHANDRILA—Earth’s space race between billionaires may seem like a harmless competition, but billions of light years away, leaders of the New Republic are bracing for potential disaster.
“I assure you, these humans are undoubtedly carrying harmful bacteria, not to mention unethical work practices, and the kind of greed we really don’t want in our galaxy,” said Chancellor Lanever Villecham Jr.
The New Republic’s concern is grounded in the small chance that Jeff Bezos or Richard Branson may inadvertently stumble upon a wormhole during their suborbital flights. Such a discovery could instantaneously deliver their space vehicles into the heart of the Core Worlds or the Outer Rim.
“We’re finally getting back on our feet after the defeat of The Emperor, and these megalomaniacs are cut from the very same cloth. They’re obsessed with power and will do whatever it takes to grow their brands on an intergalactic level. In the event they enter our space, they’re going to learn very quickly how unwelcome they are,” added the Chancellor.
To say the New Republic is bringing out the big guns for Earth’s billionaires would be an understatement. The Senate unanimously voted to commission a superweapon known as “the sledgehammer” to crush anything carrying the Blue Origin, Amazon or Virgin Galactic logos.
“Nothing would honor the legacies of the late General Leia and my own father more than dropping the hammer on some tax evading, union busting, Earth scum.”
Branson’s SpaceShipTwo is set to launch on July 11, while Bezos’ Blue Origin takes flight on July 20. Let’s hope neither lands in a galaxy far, far away.
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