Fake NewsPrequel Trilogy

Hot Mic Scandal Divides Fode And Beed

MOS ESPA, TATOOINE—Popular Troig podracing duo Fode and Beed are on the verge of splitting after leaked recordings reveal tension between the two heads. In the HoloNet transmission, green-skinned Beed can be seen complaining to TESPN executive producer Bib Fortuna about his lack of screen time compared to red-skinned Fode, who was napping 12 inches away.   

Beed, who co-hosts the network’s most prominent show with Fode, suggested the network was feeling pressure to prioritize the color red because of the “diversity police.” Fortuna expressed frustration and exhaustion over having to deal with the “Blue Boy Summer” movement and now this, but advised Beed to stay the course. The Twi’lek assured Beed that his contract to get 50% of screen time during both Now, This Is Podracing! and Tatooine’s Got Talent would be honored.


Beed has since apologized for his comments early this morning. “So the first thing they teach you in broadcasting is don’t let your head get too big. And I don’t plan to break that rule today or distract from a fantastic Boonta Eve Classic,” Beed said. “But I also don’t want to let this moment pass without saying how much I respect, how much I value my colleagues at TESPN. How deeply, deeply sorry I am for disappointing those I hurt, particularly my better half, and how grateful I am to be part of this outstanding duo. Two heads are always better than one, no matter what colors they happen to be.”


Sadly, the apology may be too little too late. According to FSW sources, multiple green TESPN employees said the controversial HoloNet transmission confirmed suspicions about red colleagues and Twi’lek producers who speak differently in person than they do in private. 

“This Fode and Beed scandal is a perfect storm for TESPN, which has always had a Hutt-fingered approach to racial diversity, gender parity and its corrosive star system,” said Toydarian media critic Baito. 

As the fallout continues, rumors are swirling that TESPN is considering the removal of Beed from their coverage of the Boonta Eve Classic. Such a decision would give Fode 100% of the air time, albeit with Beed awkwardly sitting next to him, but the production is gearing up for it nonetheless. 

“It may be tricky, considering they’re attached at the neck, but I’m sure our PA’s will find a sheet or something to cover the green head.”

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Willybobo

Hailing from the fictional planet of Yarvin IV, which is populated by bumblebee people, is Willybobo. As the Editor-in-chief of FSW, he strives to make the Star Wars fan community a better place for nerds and geeks everywhere. Willybobo was a very active member of the Cantina Star Wars fan forum so you may recognize him from there. He lives with an urn carrying the ashes of his former master, and spends all day asking the mighty Sheev for advice.

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