Study: Millennial Dads Could Never Be Darth Vader or Luke Skywalker
According to new FSW research, millennial dads are not cut out to become Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader or Luke Skywalker, because they’re simply not handy enough.
Sad but true: men born between 1981-1997 who somehow managed to become fathers are woefully incapable of handling basic DIY projects when compared to previous generations.
“Honestly, they couldn’t even put together a decent cosplay of Vader or Luke. So any hopes of these snowflakes actually becoming a Dark Lord of the Sith or his son go right out the window,” said 60-year-old I.P. Freely, a member of the Baby Boomer I generation.
Sadly, the Fake-O-Meter agrees as no lies were detected in this crotchety statement. As for the actual data, our FSW poll of 1,000 millennial dads and 1,000 baby boomer dads found that when a DIY task needs to be done at home, more than half of millennials outsource it to a professional handyman or woman.
So it goes without saying that dads aged 24-40 would never be able to build their own lightsaber or create C-3PO like Anakin Skywalker. They’d also fail miserably as moisture farmers, which is critical for anyone with aspirations to become Luke Skywalker.
Surely, millennial dads would “man up” and get handy during an emergency, right? Right?? No. They’re actually less likely to be able to change a car tire (there goes podracing!), unblock a toilet or even open a stuck jar of Snokes with their hands.
Perhaps they’re missing the right tools for the job, any job. Which is somewhat true as 72% of these young dads report not owning a drill, screwdriver or hammer. Of those that claim to own these handyman essentials, almost every millennial dad admits to not knowing what they’re used for.
“Technology has made them weak. They just look for an app these days. Just touch their hands and you’ll see. Soft as a baby’s. It’s disgusting,” said Mike Krotch, a 64-year-old retired bricklayer of the Baby Boomer II generation.
And if you’re thinking, “very funny FakingStarWars, but Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are fictional characters, why would any millennial dad care” we’ll put it in real-world terms.
Millennial dads could never be like Harrison Ford, since he started out as a carpenter working under Jesus. Facts.
Gen-Z may be our only hope. Oy.
As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the finest Star Wars comedy, parody, and satire in the galaxy. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and subscribe to our Newsletter and Podcasts for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away. Also, consider supporting us on Patreon… for as little as a buck a month, you can help us fake harder, better, faster, stronger.
