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Armie Hammer: “Star Wars Is Curing My Cannibalism”

Disgraced actor Armie Hammer says he is well on his way to recovery thanks to Star Wars. If you recall, earlier this year, the 34-year-old leading man entered rehab to cure him of his taste for human flesh. The actor’s cannibalistic nature came to light after a former main dish shared a series of social media exchanges with Hammer. It appears a steady diet of Star Wars is all that was needed.

“The original movies have me wanting to drink blue or green milk instead of blood. It’s wild! And the prequels have scared the crap out of me. They’ve shown me what I can become if I continue eating people. I don’t know if Darth Maul is a cannibal but in my head, he seems to be the physical manifestation of what can happen if I continue down the cannibal path,” said Hammer.


According to his last count, Hammer says he’s watched Episodes I – VI nearly a dozen times each, and he’s now down to only one or two dreams of human buffets or skull sandwiches per week. However, The Lone Ranger actor is not a big fan of the sequels.

“I’m okay with the first two but Rise of Skywalker strikes the wrong chord. When Palpatine says he is all the Sith, and Rey counters that with ‘I am all the Jedi’…it makes me think about how badly I want to eat all the Sith and the Jedi and the regular people, too. So yeah, I try not to watch that one so much.”

Best of luck to you, Armie!

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Willybobo

Hailing from the fictional planet of Yarvin IV, which is populated by bumblebee people, is Willybobo. As the Editor-in-chief of FSW, he strives to make the Star Wars fan community a better place for nerds and geeks everywhere. Willybobo was a very active member of the Cantina Star Wars fan forum so you may recognize him from there. He lives with an urn carrying the ashes of his former master, and spends all day asking the mighty Sheev for advice.

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