She/Her Possessed By Star Wars Oreos
**New York City, Present Day** — In a twist stranger than a subway rat wielding a lightsaber, Eloise Munchington, a mild-mannered accountant from Queens, claims she was possessed by the Dark Side of the Force after consuming a limited edition batch of Star Wars Oreos. Yes, you read that correctly—Oreos.
Eloise, a self-proclaimed Star Wars fan, stumbled upon the cookies while browsing her local grocery store. The packaging featured Darth Vader’s helmet and promised a “galactic flavor explosion.” Intrigued, she tossed them into her cart, thinking they’d be a fun treat for her upcoming movie night.
Little did she know that these Oreos were more than just cookies. As she bit into the first one, the room seemed to darken. The red filling glowed ominously, and Eloise felt a surge of power. Suddenly, she could predict stock market fluctuations, manipulate spreadsheets with her mind, and—most alarmingly—Force-choke her Wi-Fi router when Netflix buffered during “The Mandalorian.”
Her cubicle at work transformed into a Sith shrine. Instead of family photos, she displayed holograms of Emperor Palpatine and Kylo Ren. Her screensaver featured a rotating Death Star, and she’d mutter phrases like, “The balance sheet must shift” and “I find your lack of expense reports disturbing.”
Her coworkers noticed the change. “Eloise used to bring us homemade cookies,” said Bob from HR. “Now she just Force-choke the office printer when it jams.”
Eloise’s best friend, Leia (yes, really), tried to intervene. “Eloise,” she said, “you’re not a Sith Lord. You’re an accountant.”
But Eloise’s eyes glowed crimson. “I am the tax deduction master!” she declared. “Fear my Excel macros!”
Her boss, Mr. Ackbar, called her into his office. “Eloise,” he said, “your performance has been… impressive. But the whole ‘Force lightning during budget meetings’ thing? Not great.”
Eloise’s response? “I find your lack of faith in pivot tables disturbing.”
HR Director Bob Menendez sat her down. “Eloise,” he said, “we’ve had quirky employees before, but this is unprecedented. You can’t Force-choke coworkers. It’s not in the employee handbook.”
“But the Oreos!” Eloise protested. “They whispered secrets to me. Dark secrets. Like how to optimize tax deductions and crush my enemies.”
Bob raised an eyebrow. “Eloise, those Oreos were just cookies. You’re not Darth Accountant.”
Eloise’s eyes narrowed. “I find your lack of financial foresight disturbing.”
In a last-ditch effort, Bob confiscated the remaining Oreos. Eloise wailed, “You underestimate their power!” But without her dark side snacks, she slowly returned to normal.
The lesson? Beware of limited edition Oreos. They might awaken your inner Sith—or at least make you really good at Excel. As Yoda once said, “Eat cookies, you must. But beware the filling.”
And so, Eloise resumed her spreadsheet duties, minus the Force powers. But rumor has it she’s now eyeing the break room microwave with suspicion. “It’s no Death Star,” she mutters, “but it’ll do.”
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