Disney Forced To Reveal Unequal Pay on Set of The Acolyte
In a stunning exposé, Disney has reluctantly unveiled the shocking pay disparities plaguing the set of their latest Star Wars spinoff series, The Acolyte. Brace yourselves, fellow rebels, because this is more scandalous than a smuggler’s secret cargo hold.
Picture this: Amidst the blaster fire and lightsaber duels, only 30% of the 695 employees working on The Acolyte were women. But wait, there’s more—the average hourly pay for these female crew members was a jaw-dropping 19.4% lower than their male counterparts. Apparently, even in a galaxy teeming with droids, Wookiees, and questionable prequel dialogue, the gender pay gap persists.
Leslye Headland, the show’s creator, defended the discrepancies with all the finesse of a drunken Ewok. “Look,” she said, “we’ve got Ahsoka Tano, Rey, and Padmé Amidala—strong, iconic female characters. Surely that counts for something, right? Plus, we’re paying them in midichlorians. It’s a win-win!”
But fans aren’t buying it. The Acolyte’s viewership has plummeted faster than a malfunctioning hyperdrive, and the Rotten Tomatoes audience score currently hovers around 30%. In comparison, the critic score is a respectable 93%, proving that critics are either Jedi mind-tricked or secretly Sith sympathizers.
One disgruntled fan tweeted, “I’d rather be frozen in carbonite than watch a show that pays women less than men. And don’t get me started on the Ewok wage gap!”
Veteran Star Wars actor and outspoken activist Natalie Portman was beyond disappointed with Disney. “I’m boycotting them until they make it right or let me direct a film.”
In an attempt to quell the backlash, Disney released a statement: “We apologize for the unequal pay on the set of our latest Star Wars production. Rest assured, we’re taking steps to rectify this. Starting next season, female stormtroopers will receive a 5% raise, and Princess Leia’s gold bikini will be retroactively unionized. Also, the child actors on the set of Skeleton Crew will get the opportunity to also work 19 hour days like the adults.”
Meanwhile, Mark Hamill, who played Luke Skywalker, tweeted, “Back in my day, we didn’t have pay gaps. We just had to deal with the occasional gap-toothed extras.”
As the controversy rages on, one thing is clear: The Acolyte may be set in a galaxy far, far away, but when it comes to unequal pay, it’s closer to home than we’d like to admit. Perhaps it’s time for Disney to invest in some equal-pay lightsabers—because nothing says “gender equality” like a blade that can cut through steel and glass ceilings simultaneously.
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