Defend Frank Oz, Drunk Yoda Does
Head’s up, bullies — Force lightning may be in your 5-day forecast. During an impromptu press conference at an off track betting facility, the inebriated Force ghost of Jedi Master Yoda came to the defense of his voice and original handler Frank Oz after the brouhaha known as Bert-and-Ernie Gate.
Despite having created the iconic pair of friends for Sesame Street, the outrage machine on Twitter took issue with Oz declaring the duo heterosexual. After trying to reason with his critics, the 74-year old legend quickly found himself surrounded by people literally putting words in his mouth, claiming he hates gay puppets. It seemed no one was in Oz’s corner as the “like” and retweet count on his posts quickly dropped off a cliff the more he engaged with the angry mob obsessed with forcing homosexuality on Bert and Ernie. But like his dramatic appearance before battling Count Dooku in Attack of the Clones, Yoda has appeared to defend his handler.
“Begun, the Es Jay Double Scroooooo wars have,” said Yoda as he struggled to keep his balance on a makeshift podium made of four phone books. “Burn down the trolls — gays, straightsssss or AGTPLUSQ — I shall. Mess with my master, you shantttt mooooh hoooo. On someone your own size, you should pick,” added the Jedi Master.
From what we managed to translate through slurred backwards-speak, Yoda plans on burning down Twitter like he did the Force tree on Ahch-To in The Last Jedi. He also appears intent on letting the galaxy know that he is “straight as they come, am I.” To prove his heterosexuality, Yoda began to tell sordid tales of his escapades and conquests throughout the years. Fortunately, he was chased off the podium after cries of “Go home, you’re drunk, master!” came from Force ghost Obi-Wan Kenobi.
We reached out to Oz for comment on this story but he immediately blocked us on Twitter. As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the finest Star Wars comedy, parody, and satire in the galaxy. Don’t forget to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes or Google Play for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away. Also, consider supporting us on Patreon… for as little as a buck a month, you can help us fake harder, better, faster, stronger.
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