Top 10 Ways Kathleen Kennedy Will Get Everyone To Hate Star Wars By 2021
Earlier this week, it was reported that Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy had her Disney contract extended for another three years. Meltdowns and YAAAS QUEEN-type celebrations ensued in equal measure across social media. We’re told Kennedy, who had been rumored to be considering retirement, feels her work is not done yet. According to our spies, the legendary super producer is keen on uniting the Star Wars fandom prior to departing in 2021. Her strategy is simple but controversial: she aims to get EVERYONE — even Last Jedi apologists — to dislike the storied franchise to the point of no longer being a fan. How? Well, put on your ‘Force is Female’ shirts and get ready for the Top 10 Ways Kathleen Kennedy Will Get Everyone To Hate Star Wars By 2021.
For those unable to view the image above, here it is in retro plain text!
Top 10 Ways Kathleen Kennedy Will Get Everyone To Hate Star Wars By 2021
10. Give Rian Johnson two more trilogies with no oversight
09. Outlaw lightsabers as phallic symbols designed by the patriarchy
08. Create “Fanboy Tears” web series that crushes dreams on a daily basis
07. Greenlight all-female remake of the original Star Wars trilogy
06. Shave half her head, dye the rest purple and announce all-out war against straight white men
05. Force John Williams to score his own funeral ahead of time
04. Split Episode IX into a 9-hour trilogy of mystery boxes
03. Change Lucasfilm Story Group to Lucasfilm Non-Binary Story Collective For Persons of Color
02. Leave Frank Marshall for an open marriage with Rian Johnson and Kiri Hart
01. Fire Dave Filoni but keep his hat as a trophy like wookiee scalps
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