Benioff & Weiss Star Wars Trilogy To Feature Graphic Sex & Violence
If you’re sick of hearing that Star Wars is for kids, you’re in luck — David Benioff & D.B. Weiss are reportedly making a trilogy of films intended for mature audiences only.
According to FSW sources, “The Davids” have been given carte blanche to create a grittier, sexier, and downright bloodier version of the galaxy far, far away. Given the duo’s gargantuan success with HBO’s Game of Thrones, a series synonymous with nudity and violence, Lucasfilm is hoping Benioff & Weiss can add the same edge to Star Wars.
“It’s simple really. We’re coming for the crown, Marvel. That means heads are going to roll, and there will be boobs… lots of boobs… until the rightful box office king is back on the throne,” said Benioff before breaking an assistant’s arm during impromptu mixed-martial arts training at “The David’s” production offices.
“Death, dismemberment, defenestration — you name it, we’re pulling out all the stops. Our Star Wars will not be for the soy of heart,” warned Weiss, who resumed choking out a sparring partner/office manager in a makeshift octagon made from office cubicle walls.
The move represents a sea change for the brand, whose film properties have typically been PG or PG-13. We’re told the decision came down from Disney CEO Bob Iger, who feels the Star Wars sequel trilogy has squandered its opportunity to create a new generation of fans.
Rather than grow the brand, Kylo Ren and Rey’s trilogy failed to resonate with a younger, more diverse demographic, while alienating a considerable amount of long-time core fans.
“The Davids are hacks… but they know how to make edgelord stuff that gets all the normies talking. And not just controversy marketing publicity stunts, either. People genuinely love Game of Thrones. So a mature Star Wars trilogy is a bet worth taking. Disney’s got nothing to lose. And all kinds of new PG content will be available on Disney+, so it’s not like they’re completely walking away from family-friendly space stuff,” said our insider.
Rumor has it Benioff and Weiss’ R-rated trilogy will take place hundreds of years before the events of the original Star Wars trilogy. The films are said to leverage several characters and story beats from fan-favorite videogames Knights of the Old Republic and its critically-acclaimed sequel. Shooting on the first entry in the trilogy is set to begin in the Fall.
Do you think there’s a place in the galaxy for R-rated Star Wars films? Or do they cease being genuine Star Wars once they go full edgelord with something akin to Game of Thrones in space? Let us know in the comments or in social!
As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the finest Star Wars comedy, parody, and satire in the galaxy. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and subscribe to our Newsletter and Podcasts for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away. Also, consider supporting us on Patreon… for as little as a buck a month, you can help us fake harder, better, faster, stronger.
—William “Willybobo” Bobo
