Penis Alien Cosplay “Looks Like A**”
PEEKSKILL, NY — After a whopping 72 man hours, a local man’s cosplay of “Klaud the penis alien” has missed the mark, according to friends and family.
23-year old Jeffrey Wilson had hoped to be the first person to successfully dress up as the most iconic new alien from The Rise of Skywalker: a giant slug that could easily pass for the galaxy’s largest flaccid penis. At over 8-feet tall, Wilson’s creation was certainly as tall as Klaud, but that’s where the similarities ended.
“Real talk: costume looked like butt. He shouldn’t have used his face for the penis alien’s head,” said Wilson’s older brother Chase, whose sentiment was shared by everyone gathered at the family home for the big reveal.
“The shaft was great. I think he used a few old hula hoops, which really helped nail the girth, but from the neck up… yikes. Total butterface,” said neighbor Colleen O’Rourke.
Wilson admitted to being slightly in over his head when we spoke to him over coffee and penis cake, which his mother had baked for the occasion.
“I usually cosplay as humanoid characters, and the makeup is pretty straightforward. But Klaud is so different. The bulging eyes and whiskers are really tricky,” said Wilson.
The recent college graduate drew inspiration from the talking turd from 80s classic Weird Science.
“When Chet shows up as that blob… it has this wobbly base that reminded me a lot of Klaud’s shaft area. But the faces are so different, I think I just got confused. Clearly this mug can pass for the face of a turd but notsomuch for an alien penis head.”
While the cosplay may not have been perfect, Wilson plans on finessing his Klaud for the next month or two in order to make his grand debut at Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge in Orlando’s Walt Disney World Resort.
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