Force Ghost Yoda Says “Not The Father, I Am”
SKID ROW, LOS ANGELES — The burning question as to whether or not Yoda sired another member of his species has been put to bed by the 800-year old Force ghost. “The history of a soul, does the Force permit me to understand. This one I assure you, fruit of my loins, it is not,” said the blue specter, whom we caught up with at an encampment under a freeway overpass. Spoilers for chapter 1 of The Mandalorian ahead.
Yoda went on to explain a few more things in exchange for half a death stick and two cases of Natty Ice.
“Nothing like me, it looks. When 50 years old I was, stood over 18 inches I did. You must unlearn what you have learned,” said the hard living Jedi Master. According to Yoda, the baby seen in The Mandalorian could belong to at least two other aliens of his species.
“A good time….hmmmm hmmmm… Yaddle could not resist. Yesssssss… the beast with two backs Vandar Tokare made with her, I suspect.”
At this point, our interview was interrupted by Yoda’s neighbors, who requested assistance from the Force ghost. Suddenly, lightning struck three nearby garbage cans, causing cheers to erupt from fellow Skid Row residents. Yoda celebrated his handiwork by chugging a pair of beers before continuing.
“DNA tests, child support — a Jedi craves not these things,” he said after we suggested he meet with Maury Povich of the infamous Maury Show. In addition to his Yaddle and Vandar theory, Yoda also speculated that the baby may not be what it seems. “A clone created by Dr. Pershing, it may be. We must investigate further before drawing a conclusion as to the paternity of the little bastard.”
Before leaving, a slightly inebriated Yoda made us recreate his favorite new meme. The freelance visual simulator and this reporter posed as Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi, while Yoda pretended to be a cat.
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