JJ Abrams: I Went to Reddit to Learn About TROS
In a stunning revelation, The Rise of Skywalker director J.J. Abrams has admitted that in the weeks leading up its release, he had to look for leaks on Reddit just to find out what Lucasfilm and Disney were doing with his own movie.
Speaking to FSW on condition of anonymity (and in exchange for some really good DeepFakes of Kellie Marie Tran), a Bad Robot insider has provided compelling audio recordings of a conversation that seem to confirm the bizarre turn of events.
“Bob [Iger, Disney CEO] wasn’t happy when I delivered the assembly, which isn’t surprising. That’s always a million miles from the cut you end up with. But he didn’t say a word to me after I screened the November cut for him, and by Thanksgiving, he wasn’t even returning my calls. That’s when I took to the Internet to find out what was going on,” a voice sounding like Abrams says on the yet-to-be-verified recording.
According to the Abrams-sounding voice, his son Henry was invaluable in helping to navigate the web and find the best leaks.
“He showed me the dark web and 4chan, which were interesting, but Reddit was the real mother lode when it came to Star Wars leaks. That’s where I first learned that Iger was still testing different endings?! Using Henry’s account, I downvoted everything in anger. You have to understand, this is the first time in my career that the mystery in my Mystery Box is a complete f%&$ing mystery to me!”
The voice goes on to say that first-hand knowledge of what had been originally scripted and shot didn’t actually help them separate fact from fabrication on Reddit.
“I mean, I knew Matt [Smith] had been cut, but that kiss? I thought that leak was bull@#%*. I’m no Reylo, and I explained in several meetings that Palpatine fathered Anakin through the Midichlorians, making him Ben’s great-grandfather and Rey’s cousin.”
When asked for comment, an anonymous Disney exec responded “Huh? No, she kisses Kylo Ren. I don’t think Ben Kenobi is even in this one.”
The speaker on the tape concluded by saying, “I know the kiss caught Adam [Driver] by surprise too. At the premiere, I heard him say ‘What the actual f%$#? I never shot that!’ to his wife when we all saw that awkward liplock on the big screen.”
FSW reached out to Abrams for comment, but have yet to hear back. We have a hunch he’s probably on Reddit learning about what will or won’t be in his “director’s cut” of The Rise of Skywalker.
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