Naboo To Replace Security Forces With Handmaidens
THEED, NABOO — Following 6 months of daily protests against the Royal Naboo Security Forces, Queen Amidala has moved to dissolve the embattled organization effective immediately.
“This is how law and order is reborn… with thunderous reform,” said Amidala during her address from the Theed Royal Palace earlier today.
“No longer will I stand by stoically in an oversized headdress as my security forces behave like a state-sponsored crime syndicate. There are no excuses for the tactics they’ve employed since before I was born. And so, today marks the end of the Naboo Security Forces’ reign of terror. In its place will be a more community-centered solution that will help us heal historical inter-generational, inter-species trauma.”
The Queen’s radical reform will see traditional security guards replaced with socially-conscious handmaidens trained to de-escalate matters without resorting to violence of any kind.
“I have handpicked thousands of handmaidens of every color, gender, and species. Each of these Maiden Guardians are skilled in the art of diplomacy and doppelgangery. Moving forward, these veterans of pomp and circumstance will help mitigate any and all matters of security throughout Naboo. We are now a safe space for all,” said Amidala.
Members of the Security Forces expressed disbelief at the surprise ruling. Even the so-called “quickest eyes on Naboo,” Captain Panaka didn’t see this coming. Still in a state of shock, Panaka muttered “not all security force members” over and over again before throwing his leather cap into a nearby fountain.
Within the House of Naboo, however, reactions were far less dramatic.
“This will last about as long as that time she tried to make everyone quit harvesting Gungan energy balls. I’ve learned to just humor her. She’s 14 for crying out loud. You gotta admit though, Maiden Guardians sounds pretty cool, right? I came up with that one,” said governor Sio Bibble.
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