Fake NewsPrequel Trilogy

Obi-Wan Removed From Jedi Council After Misgendering Zam Wesell

USCRU DISTRICT, CORUSCANT — Tuesday afternoon, Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi was removed from his seat on the Jedi council after controversy swept the Holonet surrounding Kenobi’s apparent misgendering of now deceased Clawdite assassin Zam Wesell. According to sources within the Outlander Club, Kenobi referred to Wesell as a “he” and his padawan Anakin Skywalker correct his pronoun usage to “she”. Zam Wesell was a she, and she was a changeling.


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When a holo-vid featuring Kenobi and Skywalker was uploaded to Twitter, the galaxy became judge, jury, and executioner with many beings calling for Kenobi to be stripped of his title of Jedi Master and cast out of the order. #CancelKenobi also trended on the platform for several hours before the mob became focused on a viral holo GIF of a Kowakian monkey lizard juggling jogan fruits.

“I don’t care if SHE tried to kill a politician; that Jedi called her a he and he shouldn’t get away with it,” said Twitter user, @Herberts_Tweets. Others suggested it was an honest mistake as Wesell was a shapeshifter and may have taken the form of a male when Kenobi saw her.

Grand Jedi Master Yoda issued a statement on the issue:

“Aware of the matter, we are and a serious issue it is. On probation Master Kenobi will be placed, until completed our investigation is.”

— Grand Jedi Master Yoda

We also learned his padawan Anakin Skywalker will be placed with a new master and rumors suggest it will be either Master Mace Windu or Master Yaddle. We will update this article when more news comes in.

UPDATE: Kenobi’s probationary period has ended and the council decided that Kenobi is not fit to be a member and was stripped of his title of master. Kenobi was demoted to Jedi Knight and will be assigned to librarian duty with Master Jocasta Nu until she deems him to be a master of grammar and then the Jedi arts.


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Link Voximilian

The artist known as Link Voximilian leads the parody department of FSW as the Head of Creative Content. He is an avid fan of Star Wars, Marvel, and Nintendo, a skilled musician, and an aspiring sci-fi/fantasy author. Aside from writing for the site, Link also dabbles in graphic design using MS Paint to create low-effort t-shirt designs. He currently resides in a double-wide, in the middle of nowhere on Corellia, building Lego sculptures, repairing guitars, and collecting way too many dark helmets and masks.

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