God Forgives George Lucas For Prequels
SEVENTH HEAVEN—After 22 years of soul searching, The Creator of all living things has finally forgiven George Lucas for the Star Wars prequel trilogy.
In a press conference held in His inner sanctum early this morning, God declared He will no longer ignore the prayers of Lucas and his loved ones. The Almighty also vowed to lift the ban on prequel-related merchandise throughout the Kingdom of Heaven.
“Episodes One, Two and Three are A-okay in my Book now! I can finally see them for what they really are: wonderful films for children. Jesus was right all along. He loved them from the first pod race through to the epic duel on Mustafar. If it weren’t for my Son, I would have never seen the Light.”
The Absolute Being is actually quite fond of Lucas and his vivid imagination.
“It’s never been personal. Even at the height of My disappointment, I could not deny the creativity on display in the prequels. Honestly, the world building was second only to Me. I’m really glad I can finally bury the hatchet with a fellow Maker. Bless you, George. I even forgive you for stealing My look. May the fourth be with you. Always.”
According to God, a legion of His most terrifying angels will be streaming the Bad Batch followed by the prequels all month long throughout the Kingdom.
Yahweh also promised us to let it be known that, contrary to popular belief, He is not behind the Obi-Wan Kenobi as Jesus memes, but does not rule out His Son.
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