Top 10 Ways To Rage Quit Your Job And Fuel The Dark Side
After a year of living in a COVID world, more and more workers are telling their employers to go straight to Mustafar! Rage quitting is on the rise and Emperor Palpatine could not be happier. The amount of Dark Side energy being generated by fed up workers in the US alone is enough to bring Sidious back to life several times over. But if you’re going to rage quit, you may as well go out in Sith style. So here are the Top 10 Ways To Rage Quit And Fuel The Dark Side.
10
Send a company wide email that retells the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise, only in your version he reveals the secret to bringing your career back to life by working elsewhere.
9
Perform a ‘Resignation Dance’ on TikTok set to the Cantina theme and spam it on your company’s LinkedIn page.
8
Get on the nearest loud speaker and announce that your inhibitor chip has finally been removed and you will no longer be a faceless cog in the machine.
7
Subvert expectations by hiring the cheapest Cameo celebrities you can find to tell your boss you quit and how much they suck
6
Hire a marching band to perform “The Imperial March” theme as you approach your boss. When in his or her line of sight, drop trou and reveal the words “I QUIT” written on your forest moon of Endor.
5
Scribble “Boss Baby Tears” on any mug you find in the pantry and gift it to your soon-to-be ex-employer before quitting on the spot. Bonus points if you pre-fill the mug with tauntaun peepee or bantha poodoo.
4
Recite General Hux’s entire speech from The Force Awakens into a karaoke microphone before dropping the mic and admitting to your boss “I’m the traitor” and walking out.
3
Dress up as Obi-Wan Kenobi and walk around telling everyone “Goodbye there” before pantomiming a Jedi Mind Trick to your HR person while saying “this isn’t the exit interview you’re looking for”
2
Hire Harrison Ford to sky write “I quit” over your place of employment. Then tell your boss to look up at the message before walking out the door. Once you’re at least half a mile from the building, signal Ford to proceed to crash land onto your former office so they never forget you
1
Unplug everyone’s internet connections before the day begins. Then announce that a communications disruption can only mean one thing: I quit, moofmilkers!!
Happy rage quitting!
P.S. We’ll be sure to let Palpatine know you’ve helped restore him to power.
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