Exclusive: Jake Lloyd’s Illegal Podracing Was Furious 8 Audition

Anakin Skywalker actor Jake Lloyd is still behind bars, but we’ve got exclusive details that will help set things straight. (The story, not his criminal record.) Hit the jump to find out what the former child star’s illegal and potentially career-ending podrace was really all about. Hint: Jake “Jojo” Ortiz-Toretto-Broadbent.

If you don’t know by now, Jake Lloyd, fresh off his Parking Lot Celebration at C7 in Anaheim, was arrested in South Carolina after leading police on a 500-mph podrace. Nothing out of the ordinary just yet. But our investigation has uncovered the unbelievable truth.

Lloyd had been “daging” (day-raging) with newfound buddy Josh Trank, director of Chronicle and the upcoming Fantastic Four. The two fast became friends, bonding over their mutual hatred of all things Star Wars. One thing led to another, and Trank convinced Lloyd to let him help put his career back on track by toughening up the former child star’s image. 

First thing to go was Lloyd’s hair. Gone was the “Moe” style he sported for several years, replaced by a nu-skinhead look that projected alpha-like qualities. Next was wardrobe. Trank and Lloyd raided a local Army Navy store for stylish camo prints, workman’s boots, and parachute pants.

At this point, Lloyd could easily pass for a tough 20-year old lesbian, but Trank wasn’t done with his new project just yet. The self-proclaimed “jetrosexual” schooled Lloyd on the art and science of facial hair reconstruction. Given that Lloyd could only grow very fine wispy hairs on his face, Trank secretly collected the shorn hair from Lloyd’s head after the buzzcut earlier in the day.

Ever so carefully, Trank glued several tufts of hair onto the actor’s face, creating a very natural looking goatee. After an hour of dry time, Trank tossed a few drinks in Lloyd’s face, which he never saw coming. The two had a great laugh afterwards, as the faux-cial hair remained in place. Trank even squeezed the tufts of hair to sip the alcohol into his mouth, according to several eye witnesses.   

Lloyd’s new look was certainly manly now, but Trank was still unsure it was marketable. Something about it was still too pretty and conformist. Nothing about Lloyd’s appearance said he was willing to commit to doing things other actor’s would not. So Trank proposed that Jake take matters into his own hands… and punch himself in the face.

It wasn’t easy, but after Lloyd fell to the dark side… of lager, thanks to several pints of Guinness, the punches started to fly. For never having punched anything in his life, Lloyd and his beer muscles did well, connecting under his left eye after the fifth swing. You can see the scratch he gave himself in his mugshots.  

Now that Lloyd came through, it was time for Trank to make good on his promises. The director placed a few calls on his burner phone, and instantly lined up several auditions for Lloyd. In fact, two of them were sequels to huge franchise films. Both the billion dollar Fast & the Furious series and the recent Mad Max reboot were open to talking to Lloyd about appearing in their next installments.  

Would Furious 8 and Furiosa Road share more than the word Furious, and feature the new Jake Lloyd in comeback roles? 

Upon hearing of these auditions, Lloyd decided there was not a second to lose. Once their search for silver spray paint for sale in South Carolina came up dry, the team decided to hedge their bets on Furious 8 instead of Furiosa Road. Trank and Lloyd began practicing their street slang, which led to them riffing a new character for Lloyd. He became Jake “JoJo” Ortiz-Toretto-Broadbent for the remainder of the night, and his eventual stint in jail.

Of course, what good is a look and a name if you can’t hang with the Fast crew? This is where the evening takes a very strange turn. Trank suggested they put Lloyd’s podracing skills to the test in the actor’s beat-up Ford Bronco. (We have since discovered Trank’s license was suspended for multiple DUIs.) The two take to the streets, and become hell on wheels for anyone who happens to be on the road that night. 

Not only was Trank texting while they drove, he was also directing a Periscope broadcast of Lloyd’s podracing abilities. We have obtained several clips of the broadcast, which features Trank screaming directions to Lloyd and feeding him lines in Spanglish, as Jake mumbles a reply and drops a string of bizarre expletives. As bizarre as it sounds, the video makes for compelling content showcases the skills of both the filmmaker and his muse.

Once they heard police sirens, Trank and Lloyd — still inebriated from “dartying” (day partying) — believed it was part of their scene. Lloyd crossed the double yellow lines, weaved into and out of oncoming traffic, and even jumped a few highway dividers. All while delivering lines to camera. 

Sadly, things went awry when one of Lloyd’s flip-flops got stuck on the gas pedal. Trank and Lloyd found themselves inadvertently off-roading as the Ford Bronco headed into the woods. The audition came to an abrupt end at the base of a huge tree. 

In the seconds that followed, Lloyd lay semi-unconscious trapped in the vehicle (both doors were inoperable), while Trank managed to cut his way out of the vehicle through the trunk. 

What followed was fairly routine. Police used the jaws of life to cut Lloyd out of his Ford Bronco. Once he came to, authorities administered a breathalyzer test on the actor.

Somehow, Lloyd passed the breathalyzer, but he wasn’t out of the woods just yet. Authorities had to carry him out of the woods and onto pavement to properly touch his nose and walk a straight line for them. Lloyd managed to pass the tests once again, which leads us to believe he was still in character.

It wasn’t all good news for Lloyd though. His Jedi mind trick failed. “These are not the beers you’re looking for” only led police to search his vehicle and discover case upon case of Natty Ice.

 

Upon questioning, Lloyd told police he was unable to see in his rear view mirrors because of the pod racing helmet and goggles he was sporting. His hearing was also impaired because his stereo was pumping a mashup of “Duel of The Fates” and the “2Fast2Furious: Tokyo Drift” soundtrack on 10. 

May the force be with you, Jake!