Exclusive: C-P3O Solves The Force Awakens’ Biggest Mystery
Star Wars Celebration Anaheim was unforgettable… is what we’ve been told, as we’re still recovering from a 4-day bender that ended with a night in jail alongside Aaron Paul, Ahmed Best, and the inimitable Jake Lloyd, but that story is for another day. Right now, let’s talk typos, no, not Captain Typo from the prequels, but legit misspellings. Sometimes these flubs are Freudian slips, as was the case with LucasFilm’s emoji-able hashtag for CP3O. Aftir da jhump, fiynd owt der hidn meeneeng uv CP3O.
A new source contacted us last night with an explosive rumor that may solve one of the biggest mysteries surrounding Star Wars: The Force Awakens. During one of the stranger moments of Star Wars Celebration Anaheim, custom emojis were unveiled with a curious gaffe among them. C3PO was misspelled as CP3O on the huge screen live in front of thousands and streamed to millions more online. In case you didn’t see the typo, the actor who portrays C3PO, Anthony Daniels, was there to make sure you at least heard it. Mr. Daniels stuck to the script and confused everyone by saying “CP3O” would be a custom icon to appear in social media whenever someone used the hashtag #CP3O.
Our source, who goes by the name of “Spellcheck”, clued us in on how this very embarrassing typo was actually a form of JJ Abram’s Mystery Box at play. Here’s what she (not sure she’s a she, but we like to think we get emails from sexy women in prison a la Chained Heat) claims the following:
- C-3PO dies soon after ROTJ in The Battle of Jakku
- But golden rod can’t really die… so a scavenger finds him on Jakku… and begins to experiment on him… infusing C-3PO with human parts, essentially inverting the process Anakin went through to becoming Darth Vader.
- The irony is genius… human/cyborg relations transformed into human/cyborg who pines for relations.
- Darth Plageuis is the Gepetto… and he creates a Terminator Genisys out of C-3PO… who is given the name C-P3O because Plageuis wanted to confuse people with a spelling trap… just as his own name has done for years and years
- Plageuis bestows upon “P3O” Darth Vader’s mask, part of Padme’s face, Uncle Owen’s quads, Aunt Beru’s beru (wink, wink), and a set of P90X Plus Workout DVDs
- Plageuis makes P3O kill everyone at Luke’s new Jedi academy, and Golden Roid does it… he murders everyone until he sees a familiar face that gives him pause. R2-D2… Tender moment ensues, robot sex maybe…. R2 joins Plageuis and P30… Plageuis promises to make R2-D2 into a cybernetic killing machine as well, but 2R-2D must first help find Luke
Now we’ll break down what we like and dislike about “Spellcheck” and her rumor dump. We like the idea of a droid trying to be human, like Pinocchio. We don’t like that it’s masterminded by Plageuis… why would anyone who could cheat death experiment on a prissy protocol droid? Seems like he’d have better things to do… like diddle with Skywalkers.
We like that C-P3O is made up of our favorite bits and pieces of beloved Star Wars characters. We don’t like “Spellcheck’s” P90 joke… seemed forced.
We like that C-P3O murders everyone at the new Jedi academy. We also like how this scene subverts common speculation — many people think the scene with a cyborg hand on R2 is C-3PO’s funeral pyre. Technically it still is as the moment C-3PO sheds blood, he ceases to be a gay protocol droid, and is transformed into C-P3O, a gay killing machine hellbent on vengeance. However, we don’t like that C-3PO ends his murderous rampage upon seeing R2. If anything, we think C-P3O would go into overdrive because of the little astromech droid, who’s been an astro-hole to the Golden One for as long as we can remember.
But our favorite part of this rumor dump is that it solves one of the biggest mysteries surrounding The Force Awakens — who the heck is the cyborg character?! Who else?
You can clearly see Padme’s face attached to an upgraded C-P3O body in the images below.
While the pics above are closer to C-P3O’s final form in the film, he didn’t start out so feminine and sleek. In fact, C-P3O was originally based on Montross’ design. More gross human than meets the cyborg eye. See what we did there?!
So there you have it, one less mystery to solve! Thanks “Spellcheck” for the exclusive scoop, and please send our warmest regards to your friend Clippy.
