Top 10 Reasons Gary Fisher Should Be Banned From The Set of Episode VIII
The cast and crew of Episode VIII will agree: Carrie Fisher is an absolute joy to work with. Her French bulldog Gary, however, is another story. Sources tell us he’s been a nightmare on the set of the eight installment of the Star Wars saga. How could a little dog cause so much drama? Keep reading to see why Gary should be banned from the set of Episode VIII and all future Star Wars films.
- He confuses BB-8 for a fire hydrant, constantly relieving himself on the soccer ball droid. Gary’s droid-wetting habit got so out of hand during production of The Force Awakens, Spheero had to replace a dozen malfunctioning BB units. Since then, the company has found a more affordable solution: custom raincoats for BB-8, which help combat the corrosive urine from the destructive Fisher. Leg down, boy!
- Gary trolls Benicio del Toro on a regular basis by proclaiming “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” whenever he sees the Puerto Rican actor. As bad as that sounds, it only gets worse. Del Toro’s villain in the film sports a black cape, so the French bulldog has added a new phrase to his verbal assaults: “Zorro and the Gay Blade! Si! Arriba!”
- Several set builders have suffered life-threatening bouts of nausea after witnessing Gary triple-kiss his mother Carrie Fisher and Jurassic Park’s Laura Dern.
- Gary’s libido is legendary, and everyone on set is aware of his Walt Frazier-like past, but he’s finally crossed the line. Recently the frisky pooch made an incestuous pass at Mark Hamill’s daughter’s dog when she visited the set. One eyewitness claims Gary asked the virginal blonde pup, “Wanna little dark side in you?”
- The rider on Gary’s contract calls for three “Carrie handlers” and pecisely 1,138 peanut butter M&Ms.
- He still has bad blood with Andy Serkis over sharing the same face.
- Gary has been using the hashtag #BlackFrenchiesMatter on Instagram and scribbling it on the men’s room walls on set. Billy Dee Williams and John Boyega are unamused, and weighing possible litigation if not social media shaming.
- He ignores the signs that read “Please Curb Your Carrie” and refuses to wipe his mother clean and properly remove her fecal matter in an appropriate baggie.
- Gary has driven a wedge between Daisy Ridley and Oscar Isaac, with the elder Casanova all but forgetting the starlet exists.
- Shocking TMZ footage caught Gary talking to a cigar. The French bulldog’s pleas of “Grandfather show me again… WHAT TO POOP ON!” reveal him to be the grandson of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.
