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Ask Sheev: Rogue One Trailer Edition

asksheev_rogueone

The great Emperor Sheev Palpatine has returned to impart His wisdom upon us. This time The Emperor discusses the new Rogue One trailer! After the jump see what pearls of Sith insight he has bestowed upon our readers!

Dear Sheev,

Why is Thrawn a Caucasian humanoid in the trailer?

-P. Smurf

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Spurf,

According to my pale, Hispanic adviser, Hablo Pidalgo, Thrawn is not “hashtag canon. ” Sorry. Lo siento.

 

Dear Sheev,

Have you ever been seduced by a rogue spy after your plans?

-Pussy Galore

lake_vacation_by_firedanceryote-d5tje9r

Padme, is that you?

 

 

Dear Sheev,

Young Mon Mothma… Would you? Rather… Did you? And where? And does the Republic know?

H. Hefner

mon_mothma_rogue_one_-_h_-_2016

Hef,

I did. In the backseat of my X-34 landspeeder back in my lowly days as a Senator. Mothma was easy to seduce. I didn’t even use the Force. You know General Hux, right? That’s my son.

 

Dear Sheev,

Team Hunger Games or Team Rogue One?

-Kantmiss

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I’m all for that girl on fire, although I’d rather have an evening with Jyn.

 

Dear Sheev,

How many channels do you get with that dish?

-Flanders

Star-Wars-Rogue-One

Sanders,

No I don’t feel the “Bern.” Get out of here.

 

Dear Sheev,

Is Godzilla behind one of the AT-ATs on the beach because that one Asian seems to be screaming just like I remember in those films when I was a kid.

-G. Zooki

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Ms. Zooki,

You may be confused by the fact a Godzilla director is in charge of Rogue One. No JIANT lizards nor kaijus will be in Rogue One. I have foreseen it.

 

Orale Sheev,

How often does Tarkin ask for a cape?

-A. Banderas

Abanderas,

Too often. He is genuinely jealous of Admiral Bendelsohn’s drapery hanging from his shoulders. I keep telling him that if he is ever promoted to Grand Admiral he can have as many capes as he wishes, but not until then. And don’t even get me started on his Doctor Strange cape-envy!

 

Dear Sheev,

Is this a Public School Rebellion you are facing in Rogue One because I remember only white people in the one you faced in the OT?

-Grand Dragon Johnson

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Rian,

All the non Caucasian humanoids in the Rebellion died off prior to what you beings refer to “A New Hope.”

 

 

Dear Sheev,

Will James Earl Jones play Vader physically and vocally in this one?

-HJ Osment

jamesearljonesanakin

Hailey Joel,

Why are you out of your box? But to answer your question, no, not this time. JEJ will continue to voice Vader’s voicebox only.

 

Dear Sheev,

Are you secretly a young strong female in a Snuggie and old man makeup? Please say it’s so!

-K. Kennedy

palpatine

Kathy,

Not in this version of the Multi-verse. Check out Earth-66, I’m sure Gwen Stacy is Sheev Palpatine in that universe.

 

Dear Sheev,

Whats the female death toll in Rogue one?

-Patriarchal Guy

R1-stormtroopers.0

 

Not high enough.

 

Hey Sheev!

I think I saw Lu Kang trying to sit on your throne in the trailer. True?

-Baraka Obama

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POTUS,

That was not Lu Kang, you fool. That was me bowing before my master, Lord Plagueis.

 

Dear Sheev,

Is Hayden Christensen going to die this time? Please say yes.

J. Broadbent

2

Fake Lloyd,

I think you getting an autographed Turboman action figure is more likely to happen.

 

 

Dear Sheev,

In the trailer, it is not clear what season the planets are in, but it seems late in the year, September like. That said, where does that one schmo get off wearing white after Labor Day… a cape no less!

-A. Wintour

ben-mendelsohn-in-rogue-one-a-star-wars-story

Schmo,

Sadly, white is the color of the Imperial Security Bureau uniform. I foresaw something of this nature happening so I pushed and pushed for it to be either burgundy or olive green but the Senate voted otherwise. I should just dissolve the Senate. I tire of their constant belly-aching. 

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Willybobo

Hailing from the fictional planet of Yarvin IV, which is populated by bumblebee people, is Willybobo. As the Editor-in-chief of FSW, he strives to make the Star Wars fan community a better place for nerds and geeks everywhere. Willybobo was a very active member of the Cantina Star Wars fan forum so you may recognize him from there. He lives with an urn carrying the ashes of his former master, and spends all day asking the mighty Sheev for advice.

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