New Rogue One Critter Will Be a Petland Exclusive!
This week Star Wars fans at Celebration Europe were treated to an appearance by one of the newest species in the universe. Bistan the “space monkey” stole the show and melted fans hearts worldwide. Lucasfilm story compadre Pablo Hidalgo even confirmed for us the character’s name and species. Bistan a member of the “Iakaru” species will certainly become a beloved character.
What fans didn’t hear at Celebration is that Lucasfilm have partnered with China’s premier genetics lab BGI (Beijing Genomics Institute) to bring the character to life in a very tangible way. Plans for the unveiling of the character have been a closely guarded secret since lab techs began the painstaking process of sequencing Bistan’s DNA from the ground up, filling in the gaps with that of a pug and a mole.
“We really want fans to be able to take this character home with them,” said Kathleen Kennedy, president of Lucasfilm. “Boys and girls will be able to feed, walk, and train their own Bistan pets starting this winter, shortly after the release of Rogue One”.
Chinese genetics labs are known for pushing the technology ahead, given the lack of regulation in the country.
BGI spokesperson Yu So-Dum explained to FakingStarWars, “This not toy. It real. Like pet dog or cat. We make in lab for you. Do not feed after midnight”.
Petland, one of the nation’s largest chains of pet stores, has already agreed to an exclusive deal with Lucasfilm to sell the feisty and adorable new genetically modified pets. CEO Joe Watson said “We’ve got a great line-up to accompany our Bistan the Iakaru release. A whole new niche industry of groomers, food, toys, and trainers will be at customers’ disposal upon release of the new pet. And can I tell you – I’ll be the first one to be taking home one of these cute little guys.”
However, this marketing development has not been without its controversy PETA released a statement calling the sale of Bistan pups, “horrific and cruel,”and called for the release of all Iakaru pets into the wild.
PETA spokesperson Lindsay Rajt has also come forward saying that after Disney lost millions on excess promotional items for The Force Awakens, plans are now in place for a “Plan B” for the Bistan pets, should customers not warm up to the notion of housing a GMO species as a pet.
“Oh, it’s just horrible! Disney plans on using the Bistan pups in a carney game at their various theme parks, entitled whack-a-Bistan if these things don’t sell like hotcakes. We have to take a stand now against such heartless cruelty.”
Our sources indicate that the first Iakaru Bistan pets will be selling for $150 a piece, with whack-a-Bistan coin-ops ready to debut in laundromats, theme parks, and carnie fairs world-wide if people don’t adopt them all.
-Duper out
