Details on Donald Glover’s No Rapping Lando Contract Emerge
Sorry Dong Lover fans, but you won’t be getting Donald Glover aka Childish Gambino performing any kind of rap as young Lando Calrissian. A mole inside Lucasfilm has provided us with exclusive details on the “No rap” clause in Donald Glover’s contract with Disney Lucasfilm.
Apparently former untitled solo Han Solo solo film directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller encouraged Glover to “spit hot fire” in almost every scene featuring Lando. Needless to say these freestyle improv rap sessions were greeted with derision by Han Solo screenwriter and legendary Star Wars contributor Lawrence Kasdan. The 68-year old auteur has zero tolerance for actors and directors straying from his words on the page. Making things even worse, we’re told Kasdan has never been exposed to rap or hip-hop music at any point in his life.
It appears “Rappin’ Lando” is what set off the chain of events that got Lord and Miller fired, and resulted in a bizarre new clause in Glover’s contract. Our spy managed to jot down some of the details of the all-new agreement:
As such, you are never to rap as Lando
Do you undersand-o?
The cape and the ‘stach fam
Can’t ever be part of your flim flam
Because a sick flow and rhymes
Is one of the highest Disney crimes
You ever cross Kasdan again
You be doomed like Kylo Ren
Nawmean jellybean?!
Bespin. You best been…warned
Kathleen don’t play
This deal could get worse any day
It’s a pretty cut and dry mandate. No rapping as young Lando or Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy and Kasdan will personally clown you in a rap battle attended by your closest friends and family, and live-streamed throughout the galaxy. At least that’s what we were able to ascertain from those lyrics, which may have additional hidden meanings for all we know.
As for replacement Han Solo director Ron Howard, he seems pretty chill about the whole matter. “I like rap as much as the next middle-aged white guy… but I can also see how it doesn’t really fit the character of Lando… not the way Larry envisioned him anyway. Know what I’m saying bruh?”
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