Top 10 Signs You’re Addicted to Porgs
Unless you’ve been living under a rock (looks at Luke) — EVEN if you’ve been living under a rock — you’ve more than likely been exposed to porgs. The cute furries have been carefully designed for maximum appeal to children of all ages. And the force-sensitive alien critters are EVERYWHERE as Disney kicks its marketing for The Last Jedi into hyperdrive. As expected, porgs have been embraced by geeks far and wide, but when does a passing interest in porgs become something darker? After the jump, we share the latest downloadable white paper from the FSW thinktank to help you identify if you or someone you love is addicted to porgs. 
For those who can’t view the white paper, here it is in plain text:
10. You legally changed your name to Porgy McPorgerson
09. You contacted PETA to ensure porgs were handled with care during the filming of The Last Jedi
08. You booked a trip to Ireland to search for real-life porgs for the sole purpose of hugging them to death
07. Your wallet automatically opens within 300 feet of anything porg-related
06. You regularly berate your pets for not being as cute or force sensitive as porgs
05. You’re boycotting Disney for not meeting your porg merch quota
04. You’re perfectly fine with Luke, Leia, Rey, Finn, Poe and Kylo dying as long as Porgs survive
03. Your Snoke theory involves 200 rogue porglets standing on each other’s shoulders and wearing an old man mask
02. Despite there not being any porgs on The Last Jedi poster, all you see are porgs
01. Episodes 1 – 7 are no longer canon
We sincerely hopes this helps to self-diagnose yourself or a friend or family member and determine whether you’re afflicted with an unhealthy obsession. As always, stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the Star Wars news worth faking. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away.
-William “Willybobo” Bobo
