Nudist Resort Overrun By Luke Skywalkers
Kissimmee, FL — On any given day at Cypress Cove you’re likely to see a few bearded men frolicking about in the buff. However, visitors to the clothes-free resort have recently spotted a most unnatural sight: groups of nude Luke Skywalkers.
“At first I thought I was dreaming… there was my childhood hero again… more alive than ever, playing pickleball no less… but then I saw even more Lukes at Cheeks pool bar. Marie and I were in heaven,” said Cypress Cover regular Jim Sanders.
This unusual surge in au naturel Jedi Masters at the family-friendly nudist resort can best be explained by Mark Hamill’s comments regarding the fate of Luke Skywalker after the events of The Last Jedi.
Rather than becoming a Force ghost, Hamill believes Luke may have simply transported to a nudist colony, since his robes drop during the scene. As a result, a group of Star Wars fans have brought his theory to life, effectively giving fandom – and the universe – a nude hope.
“Luke is alive and well in our head canon. He’s here with the rest of us Lukes, naked as a jaybird yet stronger than ever. True heroes never die, and Luke deserved better than what they did to him in The Last Jedi,” said the eldest Luke Skywalker. The grey bearded man who, like the twenty other nude Jedi, refused to disclose his identity, added, “If we can make people smile and believe Luke is still among us… then we’ve done our jobs.”
Cypress Cove hasn’t shied away from the flock of cosplayers. On the contrary, the staff has created events and activities that cater to the Skywalkers. Last week, Scuttlebutts Lounge proudly hosted their first lightsaber duel championship, which brought the house down with some heated waggling of laser swords. Cheeks poolbar has also begun staging lightsaber limbo challenges based on Luke’s gravity-defying moves in his climactic battle with Kylo Ren in Episode VIII. The clothes-free resort’s next event may become their most popular though.
A handful of the nude Luke’s (dubbed Nude Force) are in the early stages of planning the world’s first all-nude rendition of the entire Star Wars trilogy… in under an hour. We’re told the musical extravaganza may even include a twin moons scene that redefines nude entertainment for generations to come.
FSW caught up with one of the younger Luke Skywalkers as he received a stone massage at the Figleaf Boutique. “It’s the easiest cosplay in the world. I already had the beard and the lightsaber, so this was a no-brainer for me. I’ve become really close with the other Lukes too, and we’ve met so many wonderful people here. Disney needs to produce this type of Luke solo film with Mark Hamill … imagine how much they’d save on wardrobe alone!”
That’s a sentiment shared by management at the family-owned and operated resort. “Mark’s got an open invitation… our cove is his cove… and trust me, it beats that lonely man cave Luke was living in on Ahch-to by a country mile,” said Cypress Cove owner and hardcore Star Wars fan Ted Hanley.
Stay tuned to FakingStarWars.net for all the Star Wars news worth faking. Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook for even more unbelievable news from a galaxy far, far away.
-William “Willybobo” Bobo
