The Rise of Skywalker

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Shareholders Confirm Episode IX Face Melting Ability

According to FSW sources, a rough cut of Star Wars: The Rise Of Skywalker was screened for Disney shareholders early this week, and the experience resulted in literal meltdowns, with faces completely liquefied off heads. Disney CEO Bob Iger, who safely watched the investors watching the film from behind a fire-retardant, one-way mirror, said he’s absolutely thrilled by what he saw.

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Top 10 Things C-3PO Reveals About Luke Skywalker In Episode IX

According to a recent leak involving The Rise of Skywalker, C-3PO will be instrumental in spreading the legend of Luke Skywalker throughout the galaxy. But what kinds of things will ol’ Goldenrod be sharing? Heroic deeds for sure, as one would expect. However, one of our sources claims C-3PO doesn’t filter anything. At All. So we’re in for some epic oversharing that will make Master Skywalker blush — if Force ghosts are even capable. Without further ado, here are the Top 10 Things C-3PO Reveals About Luke Skywalker In Episode IX.

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